The Daily Struggles of a Teen with APD

light of the world

2012-01-18T19:45:00.000-08:00

Today, I’d like to write about the thing that has gotten me to the point I am right now. It’s my faith and relationship with my Lord, Jesus Christ. It amazes me how He has put everything in my life in the exact time it needed to happen. If certain events hadn’t happened through my life in the way they did, I don’t know where I’d be right now! He’s given me the strength to get through each day despite my struggles. (Philippians 4:13) I just have to have faith that God will take care of me. I look back and He always has, so I just have to trust and have the faith that He always will. You might ask “why would a loving God give you something like APD?” Well I don’t believe God game me APD. But God turns what we see as bad things into good things! (Romans 8:28) And like I always thought “what good could come out of having APD?” Well if I didn’t have it, I wouldn’t have ever met some people online who share my struggles. We are able to talk to each other about it and it’s a great feeling to know the other will understand. There’s a special friendship we have that we couldn’t have with anyone else. We’re there for each other to build each other up. And just having the opportunity to share my faith makes dealing with APD worth it. I started this blog and have had the opportunity to reach people all over the world! I get messages/emails all the time from parents and teachers saying that I’ve helped them understand their kids or themselves more. That means so much to me! If I could go back in time and take away my APD… I don’t think I would. It’s worth it to go through what I go through if it means I can have an impact on just one person’s life and share the news of Jesus Christ! He died for me, and so I live for Him. I’m by far not perfect. But I try to do my best at everything I do for Him. I don’t do it for myself or for my teachers or for my parents. I do it for Him. (Colossians 3:23) I’m trying to be a light in this dark world. (John 8:12) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8cX6SHtxeE I never would have made it this far without God and I couldn’t just not talk about it to you all as my readers. I challenge you to pick up a bible and read it for yourself. See firsthand how much God loves YOU and I promise He will change your life if you let Him!

-apdgirl

homework is more hurtful than it is helpful

2012-01-09T19:46:00.000-08:00

Last semester in English class we wrote argumentative research papers and I decided to write mine about why homework is more harmful than it is helpful. I find it ironic that I spent never-ending hours and many late nights on this paper writing about that topic. But it was worth it because I got a 90% + 10 bonus points = 100%!! So here it is!

The definition of homework, according to Harris Cooper is “tasks assigned to students by school teachers that are intended to be carried out during nonschool hours” (“Homework-Purpose”). This is something that students have been struggling with for centuries. Are unnecessary amounts of it that take away from students’ well-deserved free time helpful to their proper development? This question begs for an answer that explains the need for homework at all. On average, students spend between seven and eight hours at school each day. Why should schools have the authority to dictate even more of their time? Every student’s time at school should be spent in productive learning situations, maximizing his or her time with teaching professionals. After-school hours and evenings should be free for other adventures and activities that help to build a well-balanced individual. Students should have free time after school that allows them to pursue their hobbies, express their creativity, and spend quality time with family. Not only does excessive homework hinder students from reaching their full potential in other areas of life, and prevent them from having well rounded lives, but excessive homework also takes away from vital time with friends and family.

Melanie Smollin interviewed fifty high school dropouts who went to different schools. Every single student said that homework was a reason behind his or her dropping out (Smollin). Homework cheats children of their sleep, play, and exercise time that are fundamental for emotional, physical, and neurological growth. Teens need 9.25 hours of sleep each night. According to the National Sleep Foundation, as of the 2006 Sleep in America Poll, eighty percent of teens do not get the necessary amount of sleep. No less than twenty-eight percent of teens sleep while at school and twenty-two percent of teens sleep while doing homework. Since 1980, the number of children in America who are overweight has tripled. Homework is a contributing part of these statistics due to a lack of fresh air and exercise (Bennett et al). Homework teaches children to hate learning and have negative attitudes about it.

Students and adults alike all deserve time off that is used to advance creativity and maintain an interest in learning. Homework hinders the expansion of children’s minds, and takes over not only their time, but also their parents’ time when that time may possibly be better spent to progress proper growth and learning outside of the academic field (Buell). Students should always be given appropriate amounts of homework and not in excessive amounts or stressful busywork that takes up whole afternoons. Work should be assigned in amounts that can be completed in the time given in class; it should not take away from the students’ time outside of school hours, unless entirely necessary. The best way for a teacher to handle homework would be sitting down and deciding what a specific child has trouble with and assigning homework accordingly. The next day, the teacher should go to that student and ask how it went. Then the teacher gives the student more or less homework depending on the situation (Wilde).

In order to sustain well-rounded lives and because children reach a point of inability for learning new information much faster than adults do, schools should go by the “ten minute rule” (Buell; Smollin). This means that ten minutes of homework should be added every time a child moves forward to the next grade level. For example, a second grader should do twenty minutes of homework, and a seventh grader should do seventy minutes of homework (Smollin). Too much work assigned to be done at home deprives students of the freedom to ask questions to the teacher about the homework. Some students work hard at home, only to find out later that all along they were doing it wrong and are then forced to unlearn and relearn all of the information (Armes).

Too much homework prevents students from maintaining well balanced lives because of extreme quantities of stress (Wilde). “Although [doctors] didn’t use the term ‘stress,’” Brian Gill argued, “they worried about ‘nervous breakdowns’” (qtd. in Wilde). With the current homework system for elementary students, the studies that people have given do not show any correspondence at all that links homework with success or a higher educational achievement. There is very little concrete evidence that signifies benefits for the older students, as well (Bennett et al).

Children seem to always be doing homework instead of spending time with family or friends. Children often have to sacrifice precious quality time with family that they will never get back again, just to complete their assignments (Bennett et al). Students have too much homework and most of it is not at all productive or necessary for their lives. Educators agree that the average student is doing more homework today than he ever has in the past (Wilde). This time is being spent away from crucial time with family and peers. The time that actually is spent with parents is filled with frustration from the assignments. Homework could take away from children’s down time and other activities that also could teach significant skills of life (“Homework-Purpose”).

Thirty minutes of daily homework can help a student’s Grade Point Average, but too much more than that can actually be hurtful (Armes). Alfie Kohn says that there is no evidence for helpfulness in homework to elementary students. He says the only positive thing that could possibly come out of homework is acquiring good studying habits and developing self-discipline (qtd. in Armes). According to many “homework experts,” a benefit in homework is an increase in parental involvement. This is not truly beneficial when all it causes is arguments and frustrating late nights between the parent and child (Bennett et al). It is possible for parents to make the situation worse by competitively pressuring their children to be successful and causing them confusion by using different teaching methods than the teacher uses (“Does Homework Improve”; Wilde).

Parents are responsible for their own children’s upbringing, including their academic progress. Every parent wants his or her child to be successful and reach his or her full potential. A full day of intense school work, five days a week, should be sufficient to accomplish this important objective. Students should be given an appropriate amount of homework, taking into account to the child’s specific needs. If a child did not finish an assignment in class, it is acceptable to be taken home for completing, but teachers should not assign hours of work at home for students who have already spent eight hours at school. There are so many other aspects of life to be experienced, pursued, and enjoyed. So why not, at the very least, allow them after school and evenings to be free from academic concerns as much as possible. They could better be spending their time and energy in exercising, watching a movie, eating a relaxing dinner with family, performing a service activity, seeing a concert, visiting grandparents or other local family members, working on a project at church, or, sometimes the most important activity of all; doing absolutely nothing. The mind and body need plenty of time to rest and get replenished for the next day. The key word is “balance,” and having excessive homework does not allow any time for a healthy balance of life.

Works Cited

Armes, Corey. “The Great Homework Debate: Is Homework Helpful or Harmful to Students?” The Science of Learning Blog. Scientific Learning Corporation. 13 Sept 2011. Web. 27 Oct 2011.

<www.scilearn.com/blog/homework-debate-is-homework-helpful-or- harmful.php>

Bennett, Sarah, Nancy Kalish. The Case Against Homework: How Homework is Hurting our Children and What We Can Do About It. New York: Three Rivers Press, 2006. Print.

Buell, John. Closing the Book on Homework. Philadelphia: Temple University Press. 2004. Print.

Cooper, Harris. “Does Homework Improve Academic Achievement?” today.duke.edu. Office of News and Communications. 23 Sept 2006. Web. 27 Oct 2011.

<today.duke.edu/2006/09/homework_oped.html>

Cooper, Harris. “Homework-Purpose, Public Attitudes toward Homework, The Positive and Negative effects of Homework, Extensiveness of Homework.” stateuniversity.com. 2011. Web. 26 Oct 2011.

<http://education.stateuniversity.com/pages/2051/Homework>

Smollin, Melanie. “The Homework Dilema: How Much is Too Much?” www.takepart.com. TakePart, LLC. 18 Jan 2011. Web. 27 Oct 2011.

Wilde, Marian. “Do our Kids Have Too Much Homework?” www.greatschools.org. Great Schools Inc. ND. Web. 27 Oct 2011.

central auditory PROCESSING disorder

2011-12-19T10:37:00.000-08:00

When I’m talking to people, it takes me quite a bit longer to process what they say. Hence the name Central Auditory Processing Disorder. I’ve touched on this in previous blogs, but I’m going to be a little clearer on it today. If someone tells me something, it takes a few seconds to sink in. And even longer if I have to process a response to it! For example, if someone asked me “what’s your favorite color?” it will take me about 3 or so seconds to get what they said and figure out what I want to say. So I usually try to fill that awkward gap with an “um” or I repeat what they said like “my favorite color is…” because it buys me a little more time to process the answer. Another thing that I’ve noticed myself doing to give myself time is I say “what?” or “say that again?” because in the time that they repeat it, I’m able to 1) process what I heard the first time 2) double check to make sure I heard the same thing the second time, and 3) have an answer ready for them when they finish saying it.

Also, a big thing is the context of the conversation. If I were talking to someone about colors and they asked me what my favorite color was, I’d probably expect it and I would be able to process what I want to say much quicker. But if I were just walking around and someone stopped me and said “what’s your favorite color?” it would take me a bit longer to process what they said and my answer to it. Does that make sense?

Another weird thing I do is when someone sees me they say “hey Lindsey!” and most of the time my response is “hey!” and not “hey Sally!” because it takes a second for me to register their name. And I certainly don’t want to call them by the wrong name especially if I’ve known them for forever. Sometimes people who I don’t know as well say “you forgot my name didn’t you?” and by that time I can remember and I’m able to tell them their name. But it’s hard to just look at someone and immediately say their name.

Christmas is getting close! I hope that everyone has the best one yet. And enjoy your time off of school and work! Now that I’m FINALLY on Christmas break, I’ll be able to blog more:)
~Merry Christmas~

apdgirl

.._[_]_
.(*. *)
.(“’II’)
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learning to drive

2011-11-04T20:50:00.000-07:00

A lot of people on facebook ask me about driving and if it was hard for me to learn… So I’m going to try and answer it as best as I can. In Arkansas, you can get your permit at age 14. And like any other teenager, I was anxious to get it. But when I got my drivers book, the motivation just drained out of me. I had my book for about a year before I had read through it and studied enough to take the test. So when I when I was 15 and I went to take my written test, it was going fine until I got to one question that stumped me. I stressed over it too much and “hit a wall”. So the following questions were like a foreign language to me and I just couldn’t comprehend anything and didn't know any of the answers. So I failed it. My mom talked to me and said that if I get to a question like that again next time, don’t stress out about it and move on because I’ll miss the rest if I do that. So the next time I went back to take the test, I passed! So once I had my permit, I started practicing driving. That summer, I took a Driver’s Ed. class and when school started I would drive every morning with my dad. Then later I started practicing a little more to get used to roads other than the ones on the way to school. When I turned 16, I finally went to go take my road test and passed the first time and got my license. When I turned 17, (this summer) my parents got me a car for my birthday! They wouldn’t let me drive by myself in it until I got the hang of it more, but now I can drive wherever I need to go.

So learning was very tedious, but I’m finally here and it’s wonderful! There are 2 things that come to mind about APD that affect my driving. 1 is directions. I’m HORRIBLE with getting around in my little town that I’ve lived in since I was 2 years old. Every time I go somewhere, my parents have to get on Google Earth and show me exactly where I need to go. If I’m just told street names, I can’t do it because I don’t know any. The other thing that APD affects me in driving is if something were to happen suddenly, I wouldn’t be able to react very quickly. I haven’t had an accident before, but I know that if something were to happen, I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to react soon enough.

That's my story about learning to drive for those of you who were wanting to know!

-apdgirl

sign language!

2011-10-15T20:40:00.000-07:00

The school year is already ¼ of the way over! How crazy! And I just want to say that I made it through the first quarter with all A’s and B’s! That almost never happens! :)

On another note, my best friend Bekah is very hard of hearing and the doctors say she might go deaf someday. So just for fun, the two of us became interested in learning sign language. We learned some signs here and there… and then we discovered that there was a sign language class on campus! So we joined it and have learned a lot! Obviously, we don’t know enough to be fluent yet, but we’re still learning! And I really think that once I get good at it, it could be really nice to know for myself even though I’m not deaf. My mom knows a pretty good amount of sign language and I have some friends who know it too. So it wouldn’t be totally useless to learn and use it! I could use it with them and it would be really handy :)

Two weeks ago in class, we went around the room and everyone said why they wanted to learn sign language. Well that week, Bekah wasn’t there. So I told them that I had Auditory Processing Disorder and that my friend who’s usually with me is hard of hearing and might go deaf. Well I said it very scatter-brained and I’m sure I was really hard for the poor guy translating for the deaf lady in the room. I said something like “well- um, I have Auditory Processing Disorder. And also, my friend, who’s usually with me but couldn’t come today, she has bad hearing and is, um supposed to go deaf... one of these days”. I felt really weird! I wish I could go back and re-do that. I hate having to say something on the spot. I’m so unprepared and I have to gather my thoughts into words that never make any sense when they come out. Or they’re just awkward.

I found this link to a website that lets anyone experience what it is I experience every single day. It’s this game where you take cards and match them to what the teacher says. I FAILED. On my third try, I got 3 of them right. Click on this link and click “Auditory Activity”. This is one of those situations where sign language would come in handy! Because if you’re being signed to, then you don’t need to make sense of all that chaos. http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/misunderstoodminds/attention.html

-apdgirl

quick update

2011-09-30T20:42:00.001-07:00

I promise I haven’t disappeared of the face of the planet:) I’ve just been incredibly busy. Today I had 4 tests in different classes. Wednesday I came home from school and studied until midnight and yesterday I studied from the time I got home from school until 11:30. So I’ve been at it from 8a.m. – 11:30 or 12 the past 2 days. I’m quite exhausted right now. But I’m so thankful for weekends! And now that I have time to breathe, I thought I would quickly update you all on my life.

I can’t believe that school’s almost ¼ of the way through! I’m SO ready to graduate. I’m only a Junior and I have a bad case of Senioritis. I’m taking the ACT in February and we are applying to give me extra time. I took a reading assessment thing the other day, so hopefully I’ll be able to get extended time for the ACT!

Sooooo as most of you probably know there’s a facebook group for APD and there are 2 girls my age that I’ve really gotten to know through it, Anna and Robyn who also have APD. Well I’m in my schools art club and we take a trip to Chicago every year. I asked Anna how far she lives from there and she said it wasn’t very far! So we’re going to get to meet each other in January! Two members of the ‘apd trio’ (me Robyn and Anna) will get to meet each other in person! I’m super excited!! (And no worries Robyn, I still plan to meet you one day in Nashville:))

Sorry it wasn’t very interesting tonight. I hope it won’t be too long before I can blog again! Thanks for reading!

-apdgirl

spelling

2011-09-10T21:46:00.000-07:00

For this blog I decided not to use the spell checker, so you can see how I really spell some words. I have the hardest time telling the differance between vowels. Especially "a" "e" and "i". For example, I can never remember how to spell the word "definately". Is it "defanitly" "definitly" "defenitly" "defanetly"?.... I have no idea. All the vowels in that word sound the same to me.
For a lot of words, I have just memorized the spelling. It's funny that when I was younger and my mom homeschooled me, one of my spelling words was "stomach". And she told me "Seven Times Over My Angry Cat Hissed" and to this day, that is how I remember it! Because "stumack" makes much more sence to me.
One of the accomodations that I get in school is that teachers won't count off for my spelling mistakes. Which has saved my grade in a few classes! Well this blog is super short tonight, but that's all I really have to say about that. So if you have any questions for me or anything, feel free to comment or email me! lindseysimp@gmail.com

-apdgirl

my fm system

2011-09-04T10:57:00.000-07:00

This year I got an FM System for school:) I got it a week or 2 ago, but I decided to wait a little while to get used to it and see what it was like before I wrote a blog about it. If you don’t know what that is, I have a clip on microphone that I give to each teacher at school each day and I have a device that I plug in my earphones to and I am able to listen to the teachers voice through the earphones without having to deal with the distractions of the background noises. I am able to hear my teachers crystal clear as if they were standing right next to me the whole time and there not be any noises in the background that I have to try and tune out. I love it! It has helped me not have to focus sooo hard on what the teacher’s saying. It lets me use my energy on the actual school work rather than the work of actually following what the teachers saying while trying to block out background noises. I am able to control the volume and so I don't have to worry about asking the teacher to adjust anything. It came with a case which I carry to each class and before the bell rings, I just give it to my teacher and I put in my earphones. I only carry it to my harder classes. For example, I don’t carry it to Art, Chorus or any of my easier classes like that. Just the more academic classes like Geometry, English, History, etc. You’re thinking “isn’t it awkward or embarrassing to have to go to the front of the classroom and make the teacher wear a microphone and you have to wear earplugs? What do the other kids say?” Well, yes. It is awkward and sort of embarrassing, but I’m getting over that. I try not to think about it during class, because if I let that bother me too much, it would be worse than not having it at all and the FM system would be hurting me rather than helping me. Yeah, I’ve had people make some comments to me and made me feel bad about it, weather they meant to or not. But I’m not letting it bother me too much. If I did, then like I said it would be hurting me more than it would be helping me. For the first few days when students noticed that the teacher was wearing a microphone, someone in every class would raise their hand and ask why the teacher was wearing a microphone. I would usually say that I have hearing problems and needed it to hear better. Which is true. And easier to explain than APD is. After class one day, one girl came up to me and tried talking as quiet as she could to see if I could hear her… and so I explained to her that my hearing itself isn’t the problem and it’s the part that connects my ears to my brain that’s messed up. And I said that it’s a learning disability. And she said “… so you’re like… mentally retarded or something??” That made me mad… I didn’t act mad but it really upset me. So if you’re wondering if you should get one for yourself or for your child, I definitely recommend it, but also you have to make sure you or your child won’t be too discouraged if they get made fun of or teased. Because that can make or break the whole thing.

-apdgirl

survival guide

2011-08-27T09:33:00.000-07:00

First off, I’m sorry I haven’t been able to write in sooo long… school has been SO stressful and this has been my only free time in a while. Today I’m writing a survival guide for APDers out there who have all this work and don’t know what in the world to do with it.

1) be organized

I’ve done an entire blog post about this already, but organization is so important! I keep a planner with me at all times at school and it’s wonderful. I would forget 90% of my homework and things I just need to do if it weren’t for my planner. As SOON as the teacher mentions we’re having a test next Friday, I write it down immediately. Because if I don’t, I’ll forget about it! It’s not easy getting in the habit of writing down everything. But once you’ve got it, it becomes a lot easier!

2) Pace yourself
One thing that I tend not to do and need to work on is pacing myself. If there’s a test in 3 weeks, I need to start studying NOW. I’ve learned recently that if I take a chunk every day leading up to the test, it helps a lot. Because stressing 1 or 2 nights before the test is VERY overwhelming. On Wednesday I had a HUGE Chemistry test that I started studying for the day after she told us about it. And I’m so glad I did! The night before the test I had a total mental breakdown because it was so overwhelming with so much information I had to know. But if I hadn’t started studying as early as I did, I would have had that breakdown at home AND in the middle of the test, I can guarantee. Going into the classroom that day, I seriously expected to fail it. I really thought that I would get an F and not even pass the test. After I finished, I thought that I passed, but I sure didn’t get a good grade. I haven’t gotten the results yet, so I don’t know what grade I made or if I even passed. I counted a total of 12 hours I spent studying for it and it still wasn’t enough. If I had known about the test earlier, I could have studied more and maybe have done better. But anyway, my point is that you need to pace yourself and do a bit of studying every night before a test and don’t cram it all in the night before.

3) When studying:
Studying is usually from the time I get home until the time I go to bed. I have no life during the school year. School IS my life. And because of that, I’m ALWAYS tired. I have such a hard time staying awake at school and at home when I’m studying. (which is strange because when it’s actually time to go to bed, my minds been going for so long that I have a hard time going to sleep!) I can’t do this at school, but at home when I’m studying and I start nodding off, I get up and do something. I usually clean my room. I’ll put my clothes away and then start studying again. And when I nod off again, I will pick up whatever’s laying around in my room and get back to studying. When I nod off again, I take my dirty clothes down to the laundry room and start studying again. Stuff like that. I also do that in between studying for different subjects. To give my mind a little break and time to process what I studied before I study for something else.

4) Studying for…

Vocabulary
When I study for vocab, colored flash cards help a lot! I put the word on the front and a short definition and synonym on the back. I study for 5 of the words, then I study for the next 5. Then I mix them together and study for those 10. Then I study for the next 5. Then I mix them together and study those 15. And so on until I've studied them all. I use pink for adjectives, green for verbs, and orange for nouns. Because when I take the test and I see the word, I imagine the word on my flash card and because I’m a visual learner, I remember the color that word was on. It’s a big help with not only vocab but with other subjects too!

Memorizing Lists
if I have to memorize something in order like
Pizza
Corn
Apple
Potatoes
Milk
Candy
I take the first letter of every word (P C P M C) and make a phrase like
Please
Come
And
Pet
My
Cat
I don't know why this helps, but it does! cheesy sayings like this help a lot

Math
When studying for math, all you can really do is practice… In my textbook, the answers to the odd problems are in the back of the book. So I practice the odd problems and check in the back of the book to see if I got the right answer. And once I think I get it well enough, I move on to the next section.

Memorizing definitions
I have a hard time memorizing things word for word. I can do it but it just takes a lot of time. So for example, I go to a Christian school and every week we have to memorize a scripture in the Bible. One of my teachers made a CD of herself singing every verse we have to know for the entire year. So I just listen to the songs over and over until I’ve learned it and it’s an amazing help! I get 100% on every test now! So for things in other classes that I have to memorize, I just make up a song for it and it sticks!

studying in general
One thing I find really helpful studying for big tests is taking everything the teacher said would be on the test and type out and make my own test. I make a few copies. On the first copy I write out the answers so it's like my own "key". And I take the other tests as if it were the actual test and then grade myself.

Well I know that was long but it was just a few ways that help me with studying in school. If you want to contact me, feel free to comment or email me at lindseysimp@gmail.com. Thanks for reading!

-apdgirl

dyslexia

2011-08-15T15:38:00.000-07:00

I’ve been trying to save this blog topic for the day I’m officially diagnosed with dyslexia. But I’m not going to be tested for a good while, so I decided to go ahead and write about it anyway. I joke with my friends sometimes and tell them I have “lysdexia” :) The reason I believe that I have it is because:

The obvious one… My reading skills:

I’ve done a blog on reading already, so I won’t go into major detail. But when I read, I see spaces. For example, this is how I read things. “thew ord sare n otsp aced cor rect ly.” Also, I see big spaces in whole paragraphs… I don’t know how to explain it, so I attached a picture I found to let you see what I mean.

If I just stop and stare at a word, all the lines on the whole page start shifting from side to side. Sometimes it’s a full word that shifts and sometimes it’s a few words. Sometimes the line has this wave to it. Like the letters are doing “the wave.” And sometimes I notice that certain points of the letters are lighter or darker than the rest of the letter.

Left and right are so confusing:
Every time someone says something like “can I borrow that pencil on the right?” I have to do that trick where you make an L with your left hand and then figure out which one is left and which one is right. It always confuses me.

I’m horrible at directions:
I’ve lived in my little town sense I was 2 years old and I still have a horrible time getting around! I don’t know how to get anywhere it seems. Now that I’m driving, I finally memorized how to get to school and to church. But I have no idea how to get anywhere else. It’s a pretty small town and so you’d think I’d be able to go anywhere really easily. But I can’t! I’m always embarrassed when I have to ask people “…ummm... How do I get there?”

I mix up numbers:
For example, if I see the number 689, a lot of the time I will read 869. I’ve noticed that especially when I check how many blog views I have. I usually switch 2 numbers. Also yesterday in Chemistry, the teacher assigned us to read chapter 1.3 and we would have a test today. I read 3.1! I read it thoroughly and took notes on it and studied it before I realized that I studied the wrong one.

I can’t count things:
If I see a pattern of 3 or more things, it confuses me so much! If you told me to tell you how many l’s there are right here -> lllll <- I’d spend forever counting and still probably end up with the wrong number! They all mix around and confuse me so much.

Welp, that’s my spiel for today. Hopefully I’ll get diagnosed real soon! Please comment with any questions or topic ideas you have for me!

-apdgirl

first day of school

2011-08-14T19:59:00.000-07:00

Well, my first day of school was actually on Thursday, 3 days ago. But I was busy after school and the next day I went on a retreat and just got back:) so sorry for not writing in a while. Well, my first day went pretty good. It was probably the longest day of school I’ll have all year long because it was the first one and I’m so not back on my school routine yet! So it felt like it went on forever. I’m used to sleeping until lunch and doing nothing all day. Anyway, I don’t have my FM system yet. Should get it sometime this week! So I’ll tell you how all that works out later. I sat in the front row for all my classes. I already had a test on my second day of school! That’s a bad sign. And I have another test in the same class tomorrow. My third day of school. Ridiculous? Yes.

Well an awfully short blog. I don’t have much to talk about tonight. And just so you know, now that school is up and going, I don’t know how often I’ll have a chance to write my blogs… I’ll be super busy with school. So maybe I’ll write a little each night and post every other day or something. I’ll do my best though. Thanks for reading!

-apdgirl

My story—Mom's point of view

2011-08-09T16:10:00.000-07:00

My mom wrote a version of my story from her own point of view from the time I was born until now. I hope some of you out there can connect with it!

Lindsey is our second child of three, and our only daughter. She was born two weeks before her due date. Though this was not considered a “premature” birth, she was covered in vernix, which is the white substance that can be on a newborn’s skin, but usually mostly disappears before a full-term birth. She was a perfect, happy, healthy baby girl. As she grew, I described her personality as “completely content.” She was always very happy to be where she was, doing what she was doing. She didn’t seem to have a great motivation to move to the “next step” with her development. She was happy to sit before she crawled. She was happy to crawl rather than try to walk. Yet, even so, she developed normally and hit these milestones without delays.

As she became a toddler, I did notice that when disciplining her, she didn’t seem to always understand “cause and effect.” For example, if she would reach for a hot stove and I would slap her hand away, she would cry but not seem to understand that she needed to stop reaching for the stove.

Lindsey was never much interested in books. My husband and I always read to our children at bedtime. Our oldest loved reading time, but Lindsey would roll around on the bed and be very uninterested.

Lindsey did not enjoy being cuddled much. She would act like she wanted to cuddle up to us when we were laying in bed with her, but she just couldn’t hardly stand to be touched. Sort of like she was feeling smothered. She also was extremely sensitive when touching her hair. Combing and fixing her hair would often result in many tears!

When Lindsey was 5 years old, she went to Kindergarten at our public school. I volunteered at her school every week and as far as I could tell she was doing great. We loved the school, loved her teacher, and had a great experience there. Lindsey knew her letters, how to count, and seemed to be right on an academic level with all the other children in her class. So at the end of the school year when we had our parent/teacher conference, we were quite blown away when the teacher suggested that she be held back and repeat kindergarten.

I believe that teacher saw something in Lindsey indicating that she was not ready to move on in school, yet she couldn’t seem to verbalize exactly why. She described it as feeling like it would be difficult for Lindsey to be a “leader” if she moved on. She told us it would be better for Lindsey to spend another year in kindergarten, rather than move on and just be a “follower.”

We really didn’t understand this, but we wanted what was best for our daughter. During this time, not having anything to do with the meeting with the kindergarten teacher, my husband and I were doing some research about homeschooling. There was a relatively large number of families in our community who homeschooled and we were very intrigued with the idea. So, with this new recommendation of holding Lindsey back, we decided to learn more about homeschooling. We really liked what we learned, so we made the decision to homeschool both of our children (our oldest had just finished 2nd grade).

Our oldest child did very well in school, and he also did very well when homeschooled. He has always been very blessed in that he can make wonderful grades in school with little to no effort. We homeschooled him for 2 years before enrolling him in a private Christian school associated with the University where my husband works.

Meanwhile we homeschooled Lindsey for 4 years. She had a much more difficult time. Learning to read proved to be a long, hard task. She was probably in 2nd or 3rd grade before I could call her an “independent reader.” She hated reading out loud. She would cry often when we worked on reading. I tried every creative approach that I could think of to help her. We made up games, tried Hooked on Phonics, let her “write” her own books. None of these things motivated her and she and I would both often become frustrated.

Teaching her math was also difficult. What boggled my mind the most was her inconsistencies. One day I would describe a math concept and she was seem to totally get it. The next day I would review the same lesson and she would look at me like I was speaking a foreign language. It amazed me how she could seem to completely forget something that she had known the day before.

We made slow but steady progress with her learning, but I could tell that we were both frustrated much of the time. I finally decided that I could no longer help her, and I needed to enroll her in regular school. We wanted to be sure that she was ready to make this transition, so we began seeking for some type of tutoring program. We found something called “Learning RX” in a town about a one hour drive from our home. They did a screening test on Lindsey. The results showed that she had some delays in her cognitive processing. They recommended doing exercises that would train and increase her cognitive skills. These exercises included memory tricks and games to help train her brain to work faster. She had to go to their facility 3 times per week during that summer and then work at home on the off days. At the end of the summer, they retested her, and her cognitive skills had improved somewhat. It did seem to help her get a little extra push in the right direction before entering school.

Lindsey began attending the same private Christian school as her brother. We debated whether to enroll her in 4th grade or 5th grade, and ultimately decided it would be better for her to be in 4th grade.

During this time, we knew that something was causing Lindsey to struggle, but we just didn’t know what it was. She was a very bright girl who was certainly capable of learning, but her struggles just didn’t make sense. At some point, and I cannot remember exactly when, we suspected that she had a hearing impairment. We had her hearing tested on at least 2 occasions, but both times her hearing was normal.

I should make a note about Lindsey’s personality here. Lindsey was very shy. Shy to the point that she would hardly look at people. She was also an incredibly well behaved child. She was, and still is, a pleaser. She never has been hyperactive, and behavior has never been a problem with her. One time when I went to pick Lindsey up from school, she was crying. When she got in the car I asked what had happened. She told me that she had gone to music class and the teacher yelled at her and made her sit in time out in the hallway because she disobeyed. She was totally devastated. Come to find out that the teacher had given instructions about when to touch and when not to touch the keyboard. Lindsey misunderstood (which I now know was due to her APD).

Our elementary school offers a parent/teacher conference about one month into the school year, and then another one at the end of the school year. Lindsey’s 4th grade year was going well. At the first parent/teacher conference, we talked to the teacher about our concerns for Lindsey’s academics. The teacher assured us that she was doing well and keeping up with the class. Her grades were fine. She had a fair amount of homework, but it was manageable. At the end of the year parent/teacher conference the teacher said that yes she could see “something” was different for Lindsey, but that she couldn’t put her finger on it. We had very similar conversations with her 5th and 6th grade teachers as well. We were beginning to see a pattern with the teachers’ comments. Her teachers always started out saying that there was nothing wrong, but by the end of the school year they could see “something” but they didn’t know what it was. They were very understanding and supportive, but they couldn’t exactly place why there were struggles.

In 5th grade, Lindsey decided to participate in a local kid’s theater production. We encouraged Lindsey to do this, hoping it would help her shyness. She ended up thoroughly enjoying this experience and she participated in theater productions for several years. This was a turning point in her personality. She discovered that she was able to memorize scripts well. She gained confidence and became less shy. It changed her life!

Our school is very small, often having only 1-2 classes per grade. We knew that when Lindsey got into the 6th grade that she would have a certain teacher. Our oldest child had that teacher, and we knew that her expectations were extremely high and we were quite frankly worried that she would be able to pass. As it ended up, that was one of the best years for Lindsey. She loved that teacher. Her strict rules and high structure was just what Lindsey needed. She taught Lindsey (and the rest of the class) to use a planner to write down all of her assignments, tests, and activities. This was a skill that has proved to be immensely helpful to Lindsey! Even though her teacher didn’t know what was causing the learning issues for Lindsey, she worked with her, encouraged her, and was able to bring out the best in her.

At our school, the divide between elementary and high school was 7th grade. Lindsey entered 7th grade and suddenly her world of schoolwork became overwhelming. She had different teachers for each class. The workload was much heavier than she had ever experienced before. She would go to school all day, come home and work on homework until supper, take a break to eat, and then work again until 10 or 11p.m.! EVERY DAY. She was able to do the work; but the problem was the length of time it was taking her to get it done! Our oldest never brought homework home as he got it all done in school. We could not understand why she was having so much work. You can only keep up that pace for so long before you totally burn out. And we were headed down that path very quickly.

In the meantime, I met a college student who was majoring in education. I told her of Lindsey’s struggles in reading and math. She became Lindsey’s tutor. After working with Lindsey a short while, I talked with her about the fact that we knew “something” was wrong, but we didn’t know what it was. She asked me if I minded her doing some research to see if she could figure out the issue. I gladly told her we would appreciate any help she could offer. The next week she said, “I believe Lindsey has something called Auditory Processing Disorder.” I had never heard of such a thing! But the things that she was describing sounded just like Lindsey.

I went home and looked up everything I could find on Auditory Processing Disorder and the more I read the more I was convinced that she had this problem. At parent/teacher conferences we began telling her teachers of our suspicion. Some teachers were very receptive and began to think of ways to help her. Other teachers were not as understanding. We had one teacher tell us that he believed she was “not trying” when in reality she was working harder than anyone else and still struggling to pass the class. It became clear that we needed to have Lindsey officially tested so that teachers would understand and be able to help her succeed in school.

At this time when we talked about Lindsey’s issues, many people commended us for being willing to figure out the problem. People made comments that many times parents want to hide or deny when there is an issue. It seemed odd to me, because in my opinion it was completely natural to do what we were doing. If my child needed medical attention, I wouldn’t hesitate to take her to the doctor. So if she needed assistance in this area, why would I deny her anything that could help her?

The one concern we had about having her tested was that we were worried that she would feel different, or “labeled.” But we were so relieved when she actually had the complete opposite reaction. Once we got the results, she said, “I finally know that it’s not me! There is something causing these problems and it has a name!” It was an empowerment to her and left her feeling for the first time that there was an explanation for all of this and it wasn’t her “fault.”

The university where my husband works has a department capable of testing for learning disabilities. A licensed professional administered some tests. After the tests were completed we met with the administrator to get the results. The tests showed that Lindsey did indeed have APD. The tests showed that she had some dyslexic tendencies as well as mild ADD tendencies, though that did not include any hyperactivity.

Now that we were equipped with the official results, we requested a meeting with the principal at the school. He set up a time for all of Lindsey’s teachers to come to his office and meet with us and the testing official. Having the testing official there was very helpful, because she was able to describe in technical and practical terms the issues affecting Lindsey. She described that Lindsey was an incredibly talented and smart child with a definite capability of learning. But she did have a different way of processing information that caused her to be inefficient. She has to work so hard at understanding what someone is saying that she misses some of the conversation. When reading, she sees spaces and letters in the wrong place, which causes her to have to continually decipher what she is reading. This task becomes so difficult that by the time she gets to the end of the sentence, she can’t remember what was at the beginning. She has an inability to determine background verses foreground sounds. And, because all of this is all that Lindsey has ever known, she thinks this is the normal way that everyone deals with things. She just can’t figure out why it takes her longer to do things than others.

She also explained the importance of “leveling the playing field” for Lindsey by offering accommodations for her circumstances. These accommodations included: being given longer times for tests, allowed to make some assignments (mainly math) shorter, no counting off for spelling errors, able to copy notes from classmates and/or the teacher. It was also suggested that when assigned a book to read, she would check out the book as well as the audio version. She also needs to sit near the front of the room.

Once these accommodations were in place, Lindsey had a much better finish to her 7th grade year. Just having the diagnosis boosted her confidence level, which naturally boosted her productivity. The accommodations helped her feel less overwhelmed.

From that time on, at the beginning of the school year we met with all of her teachers, the principal, and the testing official. I know that this made all the difference for her and the last 3 years have been not too bad.

Last year, our school hired a person to be the ‘go between’ for teachers and families. She has been a wonderful asset to us because she is familiar with Lindsey’s situation and she is able to observe and help whenever we ask her. If there were to ever be an issue to arise that we cannot work out with a teacher, she is the one who will plead Lindsey’s case for us.

This year, she is taking the accommodation steps a bit further. Instead of it being verbal, she has written down a plan of action for Lindsey. It lists more specifically the things that teachers can do to help Lindsey and everyone has to sign it. One new thing that we are trying this year is an FM system. Lindsey learned of this by reading the APD facebook page. She has requested that she have one to see if it helps her. She will wear a headset receiver and the teacher will wear a microphone. This will transmit the teacher’s voice directly to her ears, while blocking out other sounds. I am hopeful that this will make a big difference for her. She also plans to wear earplugs during test and class work time. I am sure this year will be challenging, but I feel certain that Lindsey is ready to face it!

My story—before the diagnosis

2011-08-09T00:32:00.000-07:00

Someone asked me to talk about what it was like before my diagnosis and I was like… why didn’t I think of that? So here we go :) Before I started kindergarten, my parents noticed little things that pointed towards hearing difficulties. They had my hearing tested but the results were totally normal. I had an ear infection when I was really little but my parents say that they noticed symptoms even before that. As I started kindergarten at the public school, learning to read was the toughest thing ever. I remember trying to learn to read and remember how frustrating it was for me. We tried using Hooked On Phonics to help me. It was a LONG and painful process and I couldn’t really read until about 3rd grade. After kindergarten, I had my hearing tested again but again, the results were normal. In 1st grade, my mom wanted to homeschool me. So we did homeschooling through the 4th grade. It didn’t work out at all though. For some people with APD, homeschooling is great, but this was before I was diagnosed and so my mom didn’t know how to teach me using strategies I needed. And I was hard to deal with I’m sure. I would cry almost every day over how frustrated I was because school was just way too hard. So after 4 years of homeschooling, we decided to try out the private school in my town. I visited for a day the year before to see if I would like it and I remember I absolutely loved it and couldn’t wait to go back as a student. And I repeated the 4th grade at my private school because I was the youngest in my grade and so that I could have an easier time with going into a real school. The kids were nice to me and tried to include me but I was so shy and I didn’t try to be social and go out and play with them. So I felt like the weird one. But I guess that’s just because of my shyness not because of my learning disabilities. In the 4th grade, I went to Learning Rx which is a program that does exercises to improve the speed of your brain responses. While I was there, they did a general test and said that my processing speed was slow although they didn’t say it was Auditory Processing Disorder. All through elementary, we did this thing called AR(accelerated reading) where you read a book and take a test on the computer and then you can get points for it and at the end of the semester you buy a prize out of the points you earned. But also you set goals for yourself of how many points you want to get and you have to get at least that many points for a grade. I remember hating AR because I hated to be forced to read. I hated reading in general but especially being forced to. I always made my goal as small as the teacher would let me and even then, I sometimes didn’t make it. I would look around at all the other kids and they would always be reading like it was the best thing in the world and they loved getting into their own zone and getting lost in the book. And I couldn’t do that. I would read and sometimes I would get into it a little but I never experienced what everyone else seemed to be experiencing. And I was slow at it. I hated that everyone could read so fast and I was so slow. I had to work too hard to read that I couldn’t enjoy it like everyone else did. I didn’t understand why and I wanted to enjoy it but I just didn’t. Now I know I have a reading disability and that’s why. But it would have been so nice to know that back then! It would have put a lot less stress on me and wondering why I was slower than everyone else. And I was always the last person to finish a test. Always have. Always will. It’s an awful feeling because you know that everyone else is staring at you and waiting on you. When the teacher says “shh we still have a test out!” everyone automatically starts looking around thinking “who’s still taking the test?” which is so nerve racking, I could cry right then. Usually by the time the first person finishes, I’m close to the half way point. That’s how it has always been. So naturally, the second part of every test I take is always where I miss the most questions because I’m so nervous and anxious to just turn in the test. I made lower grades than everyone else in elementary and I was always embarrassed about it. When we got tests/assignments/report cards and all the kids are like “what grade did you get?” I never wanted to tell them because mine were always lower. And I worked so hard! I was always different than everyone else and I was so slow. I never did understand why everything was so hard for me. At my school, elementary is kindergarten-6th grade. So after I finally was done with elementary, it was time to move on to ‘the high school side’. On the high school side of my school, it’s 7th-12th grade. (even though 7th -9th grade is considered junior high) Well I wasn’t diagnosed until the end of my 7th grade year. So it was a tough year! All new things and experiences. Switching from class to class instead of being in the same room all day. Going through school like everybody else did. With no accommodations! Teachers thought that I just wasn’t trying and they would get on to me for my bad grades, but in reality I was studying for hours and hours! Honestly, it hurt my feelings and I was so upset because I worked harder than anybody else in my grade and yet I made the worst grades and was told I needed to work harder because I didn’t appear to be trying. So finally towards the end of the year, my parents decided to get me tested to figure out what was wrong. And we went to the university in my town that is connected to the school I go to and had testing done. There, they told us that I have Central Auditory Processing Disorder along with a reading disability (that I don’t know the name of). And wa-la! It was an amazing thing because I finally knew why I was having such a hard time with school. I knew that I wasn’t just stupid or a bad kid, I actually had a learning disability. My grades actually improved after that because I just felt so good to know. Of course, it wasn’t until a few months ago that I really started learning what it really was. For years, I just thought that the doctor took everything that was wrong with me and gave a name for it. I honestly thought I was the only one in the world with it. All I knew about it was the fact that it took me longer to understand what people told me. That’s all I knew until I finally got the common sense to do research on it last school year to see if anybody else had it. And who knew? It’s a fairly known disability that a lot of people have! Well, that’s a glimpse into my story before my diagnosis. I hope you enjoyed! My mom is also writing my story from her point of view from birth until now. So I will post that soon so you can get her point of view, too. Thanks for reading!

-apdgirl

the hidden disability

2011-08-07T19:38:00.000-07:00

Often, you will hear Auditory Processing Disorder described as “the hidden disability”. Because just by looking, you would never know that people with APD even have anything wrong with them. When I explained to my friend what it was she said “I never would have guessed you had all that going on!” Because unless you really pay close attention and know what signs you’re looking for, you wouldn’t ever guess I had a learning disability. I have to work at it for people not to notice, but for the most part I look appear pretty normal on the outside, minus the awkward moments I tend to create. I don’t know who came up with this example, but people with APD are compared to ducks because all you see is the calm position they’re in and you don’t see all the hard work they have to do underwater to get it that way. Ducks are now my favorite animal! But sometimes it isn't quite so hidden. It does affect my social situations a lot! I wrote about that in my last blog, but that was after I hadn’t seen anyone from school all summer long. Tonight at church, (half the kids in my grade at school go to my same church… very small school) when I was by myself (because like I said before, my best friends are graduated and moved away) I realized how much of an outsider I really am. With my best friends, I’m so comfortable and feel so accepted but I forgot what it was like being with just the people in my grade who I’m not close to and I realized how much I don’t fit in at all! When I’m with my best friends, we don’t really care at all about drama and talking about other people. We just like to be ourselves and hang out together and have a good time. But the people at my school, like any other school, will gossip and be a person they’re not in order to fit in, but I don’t want to always have to be stressed about if I’m accepted or not, it’s too much work and not worth it! My school is so fake and I try so hard to be a real person in the midst of it. I want to be me and not pretend to be anybody else. But because of that I’m not the popular girl but in all honesty, I prefer it that way! I’ve found that being myself is way better than being who I’m not. I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I’m not. Well, I kind of got talking and switched subjects a little bit. But that’s okay :) please comment and give me topic ideas because I’m running out of them! And I love hearing feedback! Thanks!

-apdgirl

school.... starts 1 week from today!

2011-08-04T19:44:00.000-07:00

Strangely enough, my school is starting on a Thursday this year… I have no idea why! I guess that’s a good thing though so that we can get in the swing of things easier because the weekend is so close. Anyway, I’m starting my Junior year. 11th grade. I’ve got my schedule and I’m going school supplies shopping soon. But I’m really not looking forward to this school year! Let me explain why… I have 4 girls I consider my absolute best friends. We get along so great and can go to each other for anything and all our personalities just click! And whether they realize it or not, they’ve helped me tremendously getting me to the point I am now and I wouldn’t be the same person I am now if it weren't for them. Well the reason I say that is… 3 of them just graduated and the other one moved away. So I’m left alone going in to school this year. I guess I’m not totally alone… I have God with me and I know He will never move away or graduate! And the 3 are still in town and I’ll get to see them at church and stuff. Tonight we all went to the movies :) I do have other friends, but none of my best friends will be going to school with me anymore. The one who is in my grade just moved away to the other side of the country! And the other 3 will be at college and I won’t be able to see them very much. So I feel like I’m going into this school year totally alone. And it doesn’t help that they were all seniors last year, because I caught Senioritis. I didn’t know that was contagious! I’m totally ready to graduate right now. And on top of that, my classes are going to be harder than ever. My schedule is: English, Geometry, Bible, Art, History, Chorus, Chemistry, and Journalism. So I have some that are good, and some that are not-so-good. I’m preparing myself for lots of blood sweat and tears this year. I’m so thankful for having teachers who are willing to adjust for me and help me as much as they can. I only have 2 years of high school left… I keep reminding myself of that! After that, I will be in college reunited with my friends! But until then… I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…

-apdgirl

picture perfect

2011-08-03T20:01:00.000-07:00

I've heard that people with dyslexia are usually more on the creative side. And I looove art and photography! My Art and Yearbook classes are my favorite classes in school! Because when I’m doing art and taking pictures, I can just express myself without dealing with APD. It’s my “escape”. Especially photography. I’m only 17 years old and I’m already a “professional” photographer :) And I love it! I can sit at my computer for hours and just edit pictures while listening to my music. I don’t know why but I just love it! If I can, that’s exactly what I want to do for the rest of my life. Every person has a talent that suits them and they can use it in life to become successful. People with learning disabilities aren’t hopeless when it comes to success. Even Einstein had dyslexia! I think that once people find what their talent is and what they’re good at, they can use it and go really far in life! And they can use their talent to help other people, too not just themselves. You don’t have to make all A’s and be great at school in order to be successful. Photography is the place I really feel like I “fit” and belong without having to always feel bad about myself or stressing myself out about whatever. It’s kind of a part of who I am. When people think of Lindsey, they typically think “photographer”. Here’s the link to my facebook photography page in case you’re interested in looking at it. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Linds-Lens-Photography/129512597117423 It’s called “Linds Lens Photography”. I’d appreciate a ‘Like’! I’ll end with a quote by Keith Lancaster:
“Your talent is God’s gift to you; what you do with it is your gift back to God.”

-apdgirl

i'm not stupid!

2011-08-02T21:57:00.000-07:00

“That’s the real problem with kids who struggle with learning ... Some kids feel like they’re stupid. I want them to know that they’re not. They just learn differently. Once they understand that and have the tools to learn in their individual way, then they can feel good about themselves.”
I love this quote by Chares Schwab! It’s so true and a good reminder to me that I’m not stupid. Sometimes I feel like I’m just dumb and stupid and that’s that but really, I’m not! I can make decent grades and learn just like everyone else can. I just have my own unique ways of learning things and I have to work harder than everyone else to learn it. But I have the capability to learn.
During the school year, EVERY day I spend from the time I get home from school to the time I go to bed doing only homework and studying with just a dinner break. And I always pass my classes. So it’s possible, it just takes a LOT of determination and hard work! Sometimes I just think it’s not worth it and this is so pointless, but I have to keep doing it and not give up. And that’s the hardest thing in the world sometimes.
It makes me feel so stupid when I spend HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS studying for a test and I get it back with a C and the person beside me says “aww man!! I got a 99! I totally could have gotten that one question right!”. Nothing upsets me more than that. I could cry right then and there when people do that. And they do it ALL the time!! I know better than to ask people what grade they made because I know it’s better than mine and I don’t want to get mad. It just makes me so upset and I will go home and cry because of it. When in reality, for me I did really well! When I get my test back, I look at it and I’m satisfied usually but when I see someone else’s grade, it just makes me feel so stupid because it comes so easy to them and they make all A’s. I don’t understand… I wrote in my journal last year “why are the things that take over my life the things that are so easy to others?”. And it’s so true. School literally takes over my life. Like I said, I spend from the time I get home until the time I go to bed doing homework every day. And still make bad grades a lot. It’s not fair. It really isn’t. And it’s so hard to keep reminding myself that I really am smart and I’m not stupid. And it's something that I'm still working on and constantly telling myself.
So parents and teachers out there, keep reminding your kid and student that they are smart! And they can do it! Because they need that reminder often. I know I do!

do i make you proud?

2011-08-01T18:50:00.000-07:00

Someone suggested that I talk about my parents and how they’ve helped me keep my head up. And they sure have! So many times I’ve come home from school in tears because of the stress or because what people do or say to me. And my parents are always there for me to vent and cry and even though they don’t totally understand what it feels like, they at least try to understand and that means the world to me. They tell me it’s going to be okay and to not give up and to keep going. Because so many times I just want to give up and not even try and they keep telling me I can do it. And I know that they mean it and really do think that I can do it. They’re not just saying it, they really do believe in me. And they understand me more than anyone else I know. Even though they don’t understand fully, they know exactly how to talk and word things to me to get me to understand. And they can tell when I don’t understand what people are telling me and they can reword it in a way that I understand. They just have a way of knowing exactly how I need to be told things in order for it to click. And that’s something that nobody else I know can do. They get frustrated at me a lot with homework. Only because they want me to do my best though. And as much as I don’t like that, I do appreciate it in the long run because I know sometimes that’s just what I need to keep me going. It’s a long tough journey going through school (and everyday life for that matter) and they’re in it with me every step of the way. And they don't give up on me. I sure wouldn’t have made it this far without them and their constant support and love. So thank you so much, Mom and Dad! I love you!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEZIpac803M

go with the flow

2011-07-31T17:36:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not, even social situations are hard for me (unless I’m talking with my best friends because I'm so much more comfortable with them). I tend to just go with the flow a lot. Especially in group conversations. They’re hard for me to follow! If it’s a big group talking, I tend to just stay silent and nod and laugh when everyone else does. And I don't like to speak up and give my opinion. I guess you could say I'm gullible. People can tell me things and I convince myself in my head that it's true. I guess it's because I know how I'm wrong so often and I just believe what people tell me because I feel like others are smarter than I am and they probably know better than I do. Plus I'm terrible at arguing and backing up my opinions. So in big groups, I’m just always in my own bubble. Because I can’t follow the conversation and so I’m afraid I’ll say something and it doesn’t have anything to do with the subject or someone already said it, and I’ll feel stupid. I feel stupid a whole lot. But that’s another blog subject! And I’m horrible at making conversation… if I’m talking with someone who just loves to talk all the time, I’ll listen and when they pause I say “awesome” but that’s all I have to say. Cause it is awesome but I just don’t know what else to say… I usually feel awkward when that happens because I have a hard time coming up with a question to ask or a comment to keep the conversation going. And when I do talk, I feel like I’m that one person who is awkward or weird that no one likes to include in the conversation. I feel a lot more comfortable to talk when it’s just a few people like 2 or 3. Because there aren’t multiple people talking at once and I can follow the conversation a lot easier. Well anyway if you have any questions for me or any more suggestions for topic ideas, please let me know! And thanks for all the feedback! J

-apdgirl

"can you hear me now?"

2011-07-23T22:33:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not, phones are not my friend! They never have been. I’ve never liked talking on phones and probably never will. The reason I’m talking about this is because I read on the APD facebook group that other people with APD don’t seem to like them either. And the only solution I can come up with as to why is because I can’t understand what’s being said. Because I can’t read lips, see the person’s hand gestures, facial expressions, etc to piece together what they’re saying. Because that’s what I have to do in every other conversation I have but can’t when I’m on the phone. Also, the quality isn’t very good on phones. I always feel bad when I say “what?” over and over and over again. So I avoid talking on the phone unless it’s absolutely necessary. I won’t purposefully ignore a call but I would rather spend 10 minutes texting than 2 minutes talking on the phone any day. So basically, I don’t plan on getting a job where I have to answer/make phone calls all day long! Well, I think I’m going to be without internet access for a whole week starting tomorrow. So it’ll probably be a week before you hear from me again! It is possible that I will be able to get on, but if you’re wondering where I am, don’t worry I haven’t forgotten about my blogs!

organization is the key!

2011-07-22T15:53:00.000-07:00

Organization is so hard for people with APD but once you conquer it, it can change your life! My mom always told me that I can make my room messier in a short amount of time than anyone else she knows. Which is probably true. I think that for people with APD, getting organized is hard but once you get there and you’re mind set is to keep it there, it becomes much easier to stay that way! For school (I should probably do this for everyday life, too) I keep a calendar and bring it to all my classes. That way when the teacher says there will be a test in 3 weeks, I go ahead and write it down on my calendar for the day of and the day before the test. I write down every assignment and everything I need to remember as soon as the teacher says it. Because if I don’t, there’s no way I’ll remember it! And it always feels good to cross things off! It lets me know I’m getting somewhere! Sometimes I even write things down that I’ve already done because A) it makes me feel a little more accomplished when I see that I’ve done something already and B) it reminds me that I’ve already done that specific thing in case I can’t remember if I have or not. I would probably fail all my classes without my planner. Anytime I don’t write something down, I forget it -- without fail. In my Chorus class, we’re not allowed to bring things inside the classroom and so I can’t bring my planner. So naturally, I forget many things in that class! At the end of this year, we were having elections for next year’s “chorus officers”. I wanted to be the historian, which means I get to be the photographer and make a scrapbook which if you don’t know me, that’s what I absolutely love! Our chorus director told us that if we wanted to nominate ourselves, to write our names down on a piece of paper with which officer we wanted to be. But we weren’t allowed to do it right then, we had to wait and do it the next day between certain times. But because I didn’t have my planner with me, I totally forgot to do it and he wouldn’t let me nominate myself last minute! It was not at all because I didn’t want it enough to not remember, it was because I couldn’t write it down! It made me really mad and even my friends said it made them mad because they know I would be good at that and they were going to vote for me! So, yeah my point is I’m really forgetful if I don’t write things down and it’s reeeaaallly frustrating sometimes. I’ve read that people with APD have some memory issues… I guess that’s why! I want to learn more about that area of APD so I can understand it a little better. But that’s what I’ve learned from experience

-apdgirl

2 best friends who live 2800 miles apart. And have never met.

2011-07-21T13:17:00.000-07:00

“Always together, never apart. Best friends forever, sisters at heart <3”. Even though Robyn and I have never even met, we have become such close friends! If you don’t know, Robyn is a girl my age who lives in Canada and has APD just like me. I live in the US and we have talked for hours EVERY night for the past month or so. Which is something I get to look forward to every day! We talk about APD a lot and I’ve learned so much about myself through her! It’s crazy how much we’re alike! I’m convinced we were separated at birth:) We talk about other stuff too. And we can turn to each other for anything and we know the other one is there to listen. Even though “always together” isn’t literal, we are at heart! Last week, someone gave her the idea to start a blog about APD and she went with it! And I thought that was a great idea, so I started my own! The link to her blog is http://apdteen23.blogspot.com/ if you’re interested in reading it. She does a really good job! I photoshoped a picture to make it look like we’re together :) I hope that one day we will be able to meet in person!

Reading :P

2011-07-20T11:28:00.000-07:00

First off, I’d like to give a shout out to the birthday girl! Happy 11^th birthday, Grace! :) Yesterday I started my summer reading assignment…. Gag. I hate summer reading. I mean really. It’s summer! Why give us homework? Especially reading! I don’t know if it has to do with Auditory Processing Disorder or if it’s because of my other reading disability but reading is a super challenge for me. I’m totally convinced I have dyslexia because I’ve done lots of research about it and it all describes me perfectly. And I’ve taken many online tests and they all say that I have it… so I’m going to go get tested for it in August so I can officially say I have dyslexia. But I DO have another reading disability that I have no clue what it’s called. The doctor told my parents but they said it was such a long name that they couldn’t remember what it’s called. But it’s mainly tracking issues for me… I have a hard time knowing what line to go to next. Sometimes I’ll skip a line and sometimes I’ll read the same line again. Sometimes while reading on one line, I skip down to a word in the line underneath and then continue with the sentence I was on. And I see spaces in random places.ß That sentence through my eyes is “And Is ee spa cesin ra ndo mplaces.”. If you read like that, you can imagine how difficult it is to read things, let alone understand it! Reading and understanding are 2 TOTALLY different things. It makes me soo nervous in class when the teacher is looking for people to read out loud. I NEVER volunteer but sometimes the teacher will start at one end of the room and make everyone read a paragraph. This makes me so ridiculously nervous! I count the number of people in front of me and look at the page and figure out what part I’m going to have to read and then practice it in my head over and over again so that I don’t look stupid. And what does that mean? It means I missed absolutely everything that was being said from the time the teacher said we would all read until the time I actually read my part. And reading inside my head takes forever. After I've worked so hard to read it the first time, I haven’t even been able to comprehend any of it. So I read it again. But by the time I get to the end of the sentence, I've forgotten what the first part of the sentence was. So I have to go back and read it again. And then again. Until I finally get what it's saying. It takes several times to actually understand one sentence sometimes. I use a piece of paper to keep track of where I am which helps a lot. And I have no idea why this helps, but if I take a transparent colored sheet and put it over top of the page and read, it helps! Again, I don’t know why. Apparently, different colors help different people with reading disabilities and I think that yellow is the color that helps me and that’s the color that I use. And for books, I always get the audio tape to listen too. Yes, I know… the audio part is also hard because of my Auditory Processing Disorder. But it helps to follow along in my head while listening to the tape. So reading is not something I do for fun. I don’t understand how people can just do it all the time and I don’t get why they choose to do it. I would never choose to read when I don’t absolutely have to. I wish I could though. I wish I could get into books so easily like other people do but I just can’t. It takes so much work to actually read it which makes it really difficult to understand it which makes it really difficult to get into it. It’s not at all worth it to me. This video doesn’t specifically talk about reading, but it’s really good to talk about volunteering in class… it’s only 2 ½ minutes long but it’s so good and I think every teacher out there should watch it! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01tGtFQ0Ivs

this little light of mine...

2011-07-19T16:11:00.000-07:00

1 week ago today, I got my blog account signed up. And I am absolutely blown away by the responses I’ve already gotten! As of now, I have 380 views on my page from people in 6 different countries!! And I got the sweetest comment from someone I don’t even know who told me how much these blogs have meant to her daughter. It brought tears to my eyes! (http://www.capdsupport.org/michael/?p=67) And it’s only been a week! I can’t wait to see what else God decides to do with my blogs! This blog was short and sweet, but that’s what I wanted to say tonight :)
Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him”Revelation 2:2 “I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance.”
John 16:33 “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

all the same but totally different

2011-07-18T18:19:00.000-07:00

not alone
This goes out to all those out there who feel like they’re alone in this. Until just recently I honestly thought that I was the only one in the world with Auditory Processing Disorder. I was totally oblivious to what it was. I thought that the doctor took everything that was wrong with me and made a name for it. That was until this past year when we did research papers in my Sophomore English class and I wanted to know more about it so I chose APD as my topic. It got me researching and I discovered that other people had it, too! Then I went on facebook and searched for it and found this group about it! It’s a group where people with APD or parents of kids with APD can go and just talk about it. It’s great! I feel so free to ask questions without being afraid of people teasing me. Because they understand! They’re in the same boat as me J and that’s something I want every person with APD to feel! I've learned sooooo much about myself and answered a lot of questions about why I am the way that I am. All this time, I felt so alone and I don’t want any other kid to feel like that! I learned that 10% of people have APD! Even though I’ve never knowingly met someone else with it, I know they’re out there and it’s on my bucket list to meet someone someday! Just because I learn differently doesn’t mean I’m any different than everyone else. It took me several years after being diagnosed before I would tell anyone about it because I was afraid that people would look at me different. I was afraid of being teased or simply not being looked at in the same way. I did absolutely everything in my power to appear as “normal” as possible. And I was pretty good at it! I became good at hiding it. But it was awfully tiring. And not really worth it after a while. So I began to tell people and just be myself. And now it’s just out in the open. At least I try to be open about it. This blog sure is helping with that :) And like I said, just because I learn differently doesn't mean I’m any different than everyone else. I'm uniquely different :) Well, that was sort of a mix between 2 topics for tonight. I hope that was an encouragement to anyone out there who needed to know that they’re not alone J talk to you tomorrow!

-apdgirl

background noises

2011-07-17T20:26:00.000-07:00

Background noises… they’re kind of a big deal! Tonight, my family hosted a get together party for some people at my church (probably about 30 or 40 people). And for me having Auditory Processing Disorder, I can’t tune out background noises which make it extra difficult to understand people when there’s a lot of noise… and at parties there’s music, laughing, talking, etc and it’s very difficult to understand what’s being said in a conversation. I’ve heard it said that it’s almost like talking underwater. The person’s voice just gets so lost in all the noises and it’s hard to pick out their voice, let alone understand them! Because like I said, I can’t tune out things. It’s all there and gets overwhelming sometimes. This is a huge issue for school. When I’m listening to the teacher, there’s ALWAYS noise in the classroom. Someone is constantly adjusting their feet, getting something out of a pencil bag, turning pages, getting up to sharpen their pencil, etc and the air conditioning is on, people are in the hallways making noise… the list could go on! And I need absolute silence! I didn’t start this until just the last few weeks of school this past year, but I’ve learned that ear plugs work wonders! During tests, I just pop them in and it’s instant silence! I can concentrate about 100% better! And starting this year, I’m going to have an FM system in my classes… I think that’s what it’s called…? The teacher will have a microphone and I will have ear phones to listen to their voice. Which is going to be GREAT because that way I’m only hearing their voices and not as much background noise. I’m super excited about that! I realize that people will notice… I’m working on not caring about that. But I’d rather have it and have people notice than not have it and work super hard to focus! So I’ll just tell them what it is and if they think that’s weird, then whatever! It’s what I need! I only have 2 more years of high school left… I keep telling myself that! This upcoming year, I’m going to be a Junior… 11^th grade. It’s going to be a tough year! Lots of changes… I’m getting off topic now… I’ll talk about my thoughts on school this next year on a different blog. That’s all I really had to say about that. Talk to you tomorrow!

-apdgirl

"What?"

2011-07-16T21:43:00.000-07:00

I say “what?” just as often as my friend who is literally going deaf does! But it’s not because of what I don’t hear, it’s because what I do hear doesn’t make a lick of sense. For example, if someone said “that turtle has a crack on its shell” I might hear “that hurtle as smack omelets shell”. Then I know for a fact that I heard it wrong and I say “what?”. Or maybe I won’t even hear English words. I’ll hear “tha terl tasak con ishell” and not even be able to make out words out of what I heard. This happens most often when people mumble, talk fast, or if there’s noise in the background. Now, I’m saving background noises for a whole other blog because they’re a big deal, too! But it still happens when people talk as clear as day and there’s no noise in the background or anything. Which is probably also a part of all the miscommunication I described 2 blogs ago. Sometimes, I have to say “what?” so many times to the same person, I just give up and smile and laugh when everyone else does in that conversation as if I understood but really I have absolutely no clue what I’m laughing about. Well, that pretty much sums that topic up in a nutshell. But it definitely gives you an idea as to why people with APD are always asking “what?”

-apdgirl

the sound of silence

2011-07-15T21:06:00.000-07:00

People with APD are really sensitive to sounds. Some more than others. Some are sensitive to quiet sounds when some are sensitive to loud sounds. For me, it’s definitely the loud sounds. If you talk to any of my friends, they can tell you about my fear of balloons! I get so nervous around them because I’m sooo afraid that they’ll pop. Loud and sudden noises bother me so much! Recently, I went to a fireworks show and the noises (even with my fingers in my ears the whole time and music playing in the background) were so overwhelming that I found myself in tears by the time it got to the finale! I have no idea why it bothers me like that, but I just can’t handle that much loud and sudden noises, especially when they’re so repetitive like that. I remember as a kid being scared of the toilet flushing. I would flush and then run out really quick. And there’s always my 11 year old little brother who LIVES for loud and sudden noises. He loves sneaking behind me and making a horrible noise in my ear and makes me jump a foot off the ground. And if there’s ever a moment of silence at my house, he can’t stand it and he will burst out with something really random and usually loud! But I can handle loud noises if they start off quiet. IHomes are a gift from God. It’s my alarm clock! So instead of the obnoxious beeping, (which is probably the worst sound to my ears EVER) it plays music and it starts quiet and then gets louder. Even little things like my hairdryer. In the mornings when I blow dry my hair, I put it on low first and then on high. I can handle it if it starts quiet and then gets loud. You’re thinking “wow, that’s crazy” and yeah you’re right! I love the sound of silence though J yes, that’s the name of a song too by the way. With most of my free time, I spend it in my room away from everybody else just because I enjoy silence! Or music. I do a little bit of both. Anyway, that’s a pretty big issue for me with APD. I’m going to bed. Talk to you tomorrow, whoever you are! J

the climb

2011-07-14T18:14:00.000-07:00

I’m pretty convinced that the song The Climb by Miley Cyrus was written specifically for me. The words to that song are so perfect to describe what it’s like for someone like me. or anyone with any learning disability for that matter! It’s encouraging for me to keep going, keep my faith, and not give up. Which is really helpful especially during the school year! But let’s not talk about school right now… it’s summer time! On my last blog, I talked about APD and how it affects conversations and listening to people talk. But that’s not all it is! It has a whole lot of different sides to it. I’m going to make each blog talk about a different side of it. In no particular order, today I’ll talk about a part that is frustrating to me and my family (but then again, which part isn’t frustrating??). I never seem to know what’s going on around the house! We could have planned a party 2 weeks ago and a few days before, someone says “see you Saturday! I’m going to your party!” and I’m like “we’re having a party? Sense when? What for?”. Or if my mom says that she told me to do something and asks why I didn’t do it, I don’t seem to remember her telling me to do it! Or I thought she said to do something else. And then she gets upset at me. And a lot of the time, if I ask… say to have a friend over for example. And she says what I took as a yes, and invite that person over and then she gets upset at me for me inviting them because she didn’t give a definite yes. But I thought I had permission! I'm never clued in on what's going on. Not because people don't tell me about it, I just seem to hear something else most of the time. There's LOTS of miscommunication with me… I always feel really bad about it... but there’s not really anything I can do for it. I wish I could help it, but I can’t! I think they said one thing but in reality, they could have said the complete opposite! It makes me feel really stupid. So those of you out there reading this who have a kid, a student, or a friend with APD and have noticed that… cut them some slack because they cant help it! J And if you yourself have APD and have been wondering why in the world that happens to you… you’re not alone! It’s always good to know you’re not the only one out there like that. Well, that’s my spiel for today. If you have any topic ideas for me, please comment! P.S. if you havent heard The Climb by Miley Cyrus, go listen to it now!

-apdgirl

through the ears of APD

2011-07-13T21:07:00.000-07:00

Imagine going through life every single day really struggling to simply understand what people are saying to you. I’ve heard it compared to talking with someone who has a heavy accent. But this isn’t just one person… imagine that EVERYODY you come in contact with has an accent. Having conversations with people would be exhausting! Because you’re working so hard to make sense of what they’re saying. You’re reading their lips, paying close attention to hand gestures, and piecing everything together so that you understand what they’re telling you. You're constantly saying "what?" because if they mumble, it sounds like a bunch of nothing. You’ve lived with it your whole life and don’t know any different. But you notice that this doesn’t seem to be the case for anybody else. You wonder why in the world are things so much harder for you than it appears to be for other people. This is what many kids go through. I am one of those kids! I have a learning disability called Auditory Processing Disorder. I’m 17 and I was diagnosed with APD when I was 13 as a 7^th grader. Elementary school was no fun. Everything was so hard and I didn’t understand why. My parents started noticing there was something wrong with my hearing when I was really little… probably 4 or 5 years old. They had my hearing tested but found out that it was totally normal. APD doesn’t affect your hearing though, which is a pretty common misunderstanding. I have totally normal hearing, it’s just the part that sends the signal from my ears to my brain that’s messed up. So as you can imagine, school is INCREDIBLY hard. But it doesn’t only affect school, it affects everything that I do. Every conversation. Every outing. Every time I watch TV. Every time I listen to music. Every time I’m in noisy places. Every time I’m in quiet places. It affects me ALL the time no matter where I am or what I’m doing. I want to start these blogs for anybody who wants to know more about APD and my personal experiences with it. Or if you have any questions for me or any topics you want me to talk about, please comment and tell me what they are. APD sure isn’t very well known, so I want to get the word out there and make it a little bit more understood by people. Thanks for reading, and I hope to blog again soon!

-apdgirl